6 April 1914 – 12 April 1914

1 went out with J. to find a shop ; but instead we came to Swan Walk and passed and repassed and remarked the delightful houses, white with flowering pear-trees in the gardens and green railings and fine carved gates. I want a little house very much. My mind is full of embroidery, but there isn't any material to hold it together or make it strong. A silly state ! L.M. seems to be simply fading away. I can barely remem- ber her objectively: subjectively she is just the same.

The heavens opened for the sunset to-night. When I had thought the day folded and sealed, came a burst of heavenly bright petals. ... I sat behind the window, pricked with rain, and looked until that hard thing in my breast melted and broke into the smallest fountain, murmuring as aforetime, and I drank the sky and the whisper. Now who is to decide between " Let it be " and " Force it "? J. believes in the whip : he says his steed has plenty of strength, but it is idle and shies at such a journey in prospect. I feel, if mine does not gallop and dance at free will, I am not riding at all, but just swinging from its tail. For ex- ample, to-day. . . . To-night he's all sparks.