Katherine Mansfield’s diary, 1914

K.T. and her sister were walking down a road that was bounded on one side by a high hill and had on the other a deep ravine. So deep was the ravine that the cliffs…

Dreamed about New Zealand. Very de- lightful.

Dreamed about N.Z. again — one of the painful dreams when I'm there and hazy about my re- turn ticket.

Travelled with two brown women. One had a basket of chickweed on her arm, the other a basket of daffodils. They both carried babies bound, some- how, to them with a…

Went to the Albert Hall with B.C. A bad, dull concert. But I thought all the while that I'd rather be with musical people than any others, and that they're mine,…

When I get by myself, I am always more or less actively miserable. If it were not for J. I should live quite alone. It's raining ; I have a cold and my fire has…

Mother's birthday. I wrote at 2 o'clock and got up and sat on the box of the window thinking of her. I would love to see her again and the little frown between her…

L.M. and I travelled miles to-day. We sat in a bus talking, and now and again when I looked up, I kept seeing the squares with their butterfly leaves just ready to…

New Moon, 6h. 9m. p.m. (I didn't see it, though). L.M. and I took the tram to Clapham. She left at about 9 p.m. having dressed me. When I leave her hands I feel…

I am writing for L.M. to come. She's very late. Everything is in a state of suspense — even birds and chimneys. Frightened in 'private. At the last moment L.M.…

Put my clothes in order. The crocuses in Battersea reminded me of autumn in Bavaria. The ground is wet, and it looks as though winter were go- ing— the grass long…

1 am going to start a play to-day.

" I am afraid you are too psychological, Mr. Temple." Then I went off and bought the bacon.

A splendid fine morning, but as I know I have to go out and change the cheque and pay the bills, I can do nothing and I feel wretched. Life is a hateful business,…

Spent another frightful day. Nothing helps or could help me except a person who could guess. Went for a walk and had some vague comfort given by some children and…

I have begun to sleep badly again and I've decided to tear up everything that I've written and start again. I'm sure that is best. This misery persists, and I am so…

Went for a walk by the river this evening and watched the boats. Two had red sails and one had white. The trees are budding almost before one's eyes in this warm…

Won a moral victory this morning, to my great relief. Went out to spend 2s. nd. and left it unspent. But I have never known a more hideous day. Terribly lonely.…

No bird sits a tree more proudly than a pigeon. It looks at though placed there by the Lord. The sky was silky blue and white, and the sun shone through the little…

1 went out with J. to find a shop ; but instead we came to Swan Walk and passed and repassed and remarked the delightful houses, white with flowering pear-trees in…

The heavens opened for the sunset to-night. When I had thought the day folded and sealed, came a burst of heavenly bright petals. ... I sat behind the window,…

To-day is Sunday. It is raining a little, and the birds are cheeping. There's a smell of food and a noise of chopping cabbage. Oh, if only I could make a…

. . . Then I put my hand over it and felt for a latch, and then through the bars. I suppose one isn't expected to vault over it, I thought, — or to ride a bicycle…

I simply cannot believe that there was a time when I cared about Turgeniev. Such a poseur! Such a hypocrite! It's true he was wonderfully tal- ented but I keep…

We go to Cornwall to-morrow, I suppose. I've re-read my diary. Tell me, Is there a God? I'm old to-night. Ah, I wish I had someone to love me, comfort me and stop…

It's full moon with a vengeance to- night. Out of the front door a field of big turnips, and beyond, a spiky wood with red bands of light behind it. Out of the back…

It's very quiet. I've re-read UEntrave. I suppose Colette is the only woman in France who does just this. I don't care a fig at present for anyone I know except…

A letter from F. I had not expected it, and yet, when it came, it seemed quite inevitable — the writing, the way the letters were made, his con- fidence, and his…

The year is nearly over. Snow has fallen, and everything is white. It is very cold. I have changed the position of my desk into a corner. Per- haps I shall be able…