26 November 1832 – 2 December 1832

Yesterday was evacuation day; but as yesterday was the Lord's day also, the American militia army postponed their yearly exhibition, and, instead of rushing about the streets in token of their thankfulness at the departure of the British, they quietly went to church, and praised God for that same. To-day, however, we have had firing of pop-guns, waving of star-spangled banners (some of them rather the worse for wear), infantry marching through the streets, cavalry (oh, Lord, what delicious objects they were!) and artillery prancing along them, to the infinite ecstasy and peril of a dense mob. Went to rehearsal at half-past ten. Was detained full ten minutes on the way thither, by the defiling of troops, who were progressing down Broadway. After rehearsal, came home—put out things for the theatre. Mr. —— called: while he was here, spent a delightful half hour at the window, which, overlooking the Park, commanded a full view of the magnanimous military marshalled there. O, pomp and circumstance of glorious war! They were certainly not quite so bad as Falstaff's men, of ragged memory; for, for aught I know to the contrary, they perhaps all of them had shirts to their backs. But some had gloves, and some had none; some carried their guns one way, and some another; some had caps of one fashion, and some of another; some had no caps at all, but "shocking bad hats," with feathers in them. The infantry were, however, comparatively respectable troops. They did not march many degrees out of the straight line, or stoop too much, or turn their heads round too often. Mr. —— remarked, that militia were seldom more steady and orderly in their appearance. But the cava'ry! oh, the cavalry! what gems without price they were! Apparently extremely frightened at the shambling tituppy chargers upon whose backs they clung, straggling in all directions, putting the admiring crowd in fear of their lives, and proving beyond a doubt how formidable they must appear to the enemy, when, with the most peaceable intentions in the world, they thus jeopardied the safety of their enthusiastic fellow citizens. Bold would have been the man who did not edge backwards into the crowd, as a flock of these worthies a-horseback came down the street—some trotting, some galloping, some racking, some ambling; each and all "witching the world with wondrous horsemanship." If any thing ever might be properly called wondrous, they, their riders and accoutrements, deserve the title. Some wore boots, and some wore shoes, and one independent hero had got on grey stockings and slippers! Some had bright yellow feathers, and some red and black feathers! I remembered, particularly, a doctor, in a black suit, Hessian boots, a cocked hat, and bright yellow gauntlets; another fellow was dressed in the costume of one of the Der Freyschutz's corps: it looked for all the world like a fancy parade. The officers fulfilled completely my idea of Macheath's company of gentlemen of the road; only, I strongly suspect the latter would have been heartily ashamed of the unhappy hacks the evacuation heroes had gotten up upon. The parade terminated with a full half hour's feu de joie. * * * * * * * * * * The bands of these worthies were worthy of them; half a dozen fifers and drummers playing old English jig tunes. In spite of the folly and injustice of such a comparison, I could not keep out of my head the last soldiers I had seen, those fine tall fellows, the grenadier guards, that used to delight us of a Sunday morning in St. James's Park, and their exquisite band, and dandy-looking officers. Those looked like soldiers, whatever they may fight like; and allowing these excellent good folks to be very lions, look you, I can only say their appearance approached the sublime, by as near as the French critic assures us the extreme of the ridiculous does. Dined at three; —— and —— called after dinner. My father went with Mr. —— to Tammany Hall, where there was a grand democratic dinner, in honour of the triumph of the Jackson party, the mob men here. I sat writing to —— till time to go to the theatre. The play was Isabella; the house crammed; a regular holiday audience—shrieking, shouting, laughing, and rowing, like one of our own Christmas audiences. I acted like a wretch. My dresses looked very handsome, particularly my marriage dress; but my muslin bed-gown was so long that, I set my feet through it the very first thing; and those animaux bêtes, who dragged me off, tore a beautiful point lace veil I had on to tatters, a thing that cost three guineas, if a farthing! My father received a most amusing letter this morning from Lord ——, asking us to come over to Jamaica and act, offering us quarters in his house, and plenty of volunteer actors (did he include himself, I wonder?) to make up a company, if we will come. I should like it very well: to pass the winter in that nice warm climate would be delightful, and I dare say we should find our stay there amusing and agreeable enough. I wish we could do it.

After breakfast, Colonel —— called. Put out things for to-night. At half-past twelve, went out with my father and Colonel ——. Called upon his honour, the Recorder, but he was in court, and not to be seen. Walked down to the Battery. The day was most lovely, like an early day in June in England: my merino gown was intolerable, and I was obliged to take a parasol with me, the sun was so powerful. The Battery was, as usual, totally deserted, though the sky, and shores, and beautiful bright bay, were smiling in perfect loveliness. A delicious fresh breeze came wandering over the wide estuary; and graceful boats, with their full sails glittering in the sun, glided to and fro, swift and strong, over the smooth waters, like summer clouds across the blue heavens—as silently, as rapidly, as tracklessly. * * * * * * * * * * Came home at half-past one. Found a card from Mrs. ——. I'm sorry I didn't see her. —— called, with one Mr. ——, kinsman to the authoress. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * While they were here, Mrs. —— called to settle about to-morrow's ride. Mr. and Mrs. —— arriving, the rest departed. We dined at three. After dinner, came to my own room; wrote journal; went on with letter to ——. At half-past five, went to the theatre. Play, the Gamester; my father's benefit; the house was very good. I played pretty well. Mr. —— thoroughly bothered me, by standing six yards behind me: what a complete stroller's trick that is. So we are to act on Saturday. If I can go to the opera, all the same, I sha'n't mind so much; but I will be in most horrible dudgeon if it prevents that, for I want to hear this new prima donna. Mr. —— was behind the scenes, and —— wrapt, in his usual seat: he's a delightful bit of audience. Received a bill of the intended performances for Thursday, Mr. ——'s benefit; and such another farce as the whole thing is I never heard of; as Mr. —— says, "the benefit of humbug," indeed. * * * * * * * * * * Came home. While we were at supper, my father showed me a note he had received from ——, which, to use a most admirable vulgarism, struck me all of a heap. A sort of threatening letter, desiring him, as he valued his interest, to come forward and offer to act Charles the Second for the said Mr. ——'s benefit, having already agreed to act in one piece, for said Mr. ——'s benefit. "O monstrous! monstrous! most unnatural!" What a vulgar wretch the man must be!

Mary ——'s wedding day! Poor lassie! I looked at the bright morning sun with pleasure for her sake. After breakfast, sat reading the poems of Willis, a young man, whose works, young as they evidently are, would have won him some consideration in any but such a thorough work-day world as this. I cried a good deal over some of this man's verses. I thought some of them beautiful; and 'tis the property of beauty to stir the wells of my soul sadly, rather than cast sunshine over them. I think all things are sad. 'Tis sad to hear sweet music; 'tis sad to read fine poetry; 'tis sad to look upon the beautiful face of a fair woman; 'tis sad to behold the unclouded glory of a summer's sky. There is a deep and lingering tone in the harmony of all beauty that resounds in our souls with too full and solemn a vibration for pleasure alone. In fact, intensity, even of joy and delight, is in itself serious; 'tis impossible to be fulfilled with emotion of any sort, and not feel as though we were within the shadow of a cloud. I remember when first I recited Juliet to my mother, she said I spoke the balcony scene almost sadly. Was not such deep, deep love too strong, too passionate, too pervading, to be uttered with the light laughing voice of pleasure? Was not that love, even in its fulness of joy, sad—awful? However, perhaps, I do but see through my own medium, and fancy it the universal one. My eyes are dark, and most things look darkly through them. At about twelve o'clock Mrs. —— called for me; and, escorted by her husband and Mr. ——, we rode forth to visit the island. We went to a pretty cottage belonging to Mr. ——'s father-in-law, Dr. ——. The day was still and grey—a pleasant day; there was no sunshine, but neither were there any dark shadows. My horse had been ill ridden by somebody or another, and was mighty disagreeable. Our ride was pleasant enough: there was not much variety in the country we passed through. Masses of granite and greenish basalt, wild underwood, and vivid bright-looking cedar bushes. The Hudson lay leaden and sullen under the wings of the restless wind. We stood to hear the delicious music of the water plashing against the rocky shore, which is the pleasantest sound in all the world. We then rode to a place ycleped Hell-gate, from a dangerous current in the East river, where ships have been lost—and home through the mellow sunlight of a warm autumnal afternoon. Came in at a little past four. Devoured sundry puddings and pies; put out clothes for the evening; dined at five. My father dined at ——'s: I've an especial fancy for that man. After dinner, sat making blonde tippet, and strumming on the piano till eight. Drank tea, dressed, and off to Mrs. ——'s "small party, my dear." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The people here have no conscience about the questions they ask, and, as I have one in answering, and always give them "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," it follows that nothing can be more disagreeable than their queries, except my replies. Mr. —— was there; I like him: he has something in him, and is not vulgar or impertinent. Was introduced to a very handsome French creole woman, whom I liked: she reminded me of my mother, and her son bore a striking resemblance to dear ——. We stood up to dance a couple of quadrilles; but as they had not one distinct idea of what the figures were, the whole was a mess of running about, explaining, jostling, and awkward blundering. I took greatly to the governess of the family, a German woman, with a right German face, a nice person, with quiet simple manners. The women's voices here distract me; so loud, so rapid, and with such a twang! What a pity! for they are, almost without an exception, lovely looking creatures, with an air of refinement in their appearance, which would be very attractive, but for their style of dress, and those said tremendous shrill loud voices. Came home at twelve o'clock. My favourite aversion, Mrs. ——, was there.

My birth-day * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * After breakfast, sat writing to dear —— for some time. Put out things for the theatre, and went to rehearsal. My father has received a most comical note from one ——, a Scotch gardener, florist, and seedsman; the original, by the by, of Galt's Lawrie Todd,—and original enough he must be. The note expresses a great desire that my father and myself will call upon him, for that he wishes very much to look at us—that the hours of the theatre are too late for him, and that besides, he wants to see us as ourselves, and not as "kings and princesses." I have entreated my father to go: this man must be worth knowing. I shall certainly keep his note. After rehearsal, came home. Wrote to ——, to dear ——. Mr. —— called; also Colonel ——, who gave an account of the proceedings of the committee for ——'s benefit, which, added to the gentleman's own note to my father, thoroughly disgusted me. And here I do solemnly swear, never again, with my own good will, to become acquainted with any man in any way connected with the public press. They are utterly unreliable people, generally; their vocation requires that they should be so; and the very few exceptions I must forego, for however I might like them, I can neither respect nor approve of their trade; for trade it is in the vilest sense of the word. Dined at five. After dinner Mr. and Mrs. —— came in. * * * * * * * * * * At eight, went to the theatre. The house was, in consequence of the raised prices, only three parts full. I just caught a glimpse of Forrest in the fourth act of Brutus. What an enormous man he is! After the play came sundry songs and recitations, and then Katharine and Petruchio. I did not play well: the actors were very inattentive, as well as stupid, and annoyed my father very much. The pit was half filled with women, opera fashion, who, for the greater attraction of the night, and satisfaction of themselves, were allowed to sit out of their proper places: to be sure they had the pleasure of the society of the volunteer heroes, who, for the benefit of Mr. ——, were all in full uniform. What an absurdity! Swallowed an ice. Saw ——, also Mr. ——, and young —— behind the scenes. Came home and supped. Colonel —— called, and discussed, first, the farce on the boards; then the farce before the curtain; finally, the farce of life, which, to my mind, is but a melancholy one.

How the time goes! Bless the old traveller, how he posts along! After breakfast, Mrs. —— and her son, and Mr. —— called. I like the latter; his manners are very good, and he is altogether more like a gentleman than most men here. When they were gone, walked out with my father to ——'s. The day was grey, and cold, and damp—a real November day, such as we know them. We held the good man's note, and steered our course by it, and in process of time entered a garden, passed through a green-house, and arrived in an immense and most singularly-arranged seed-shop, with galleries running round it, and the voice of a hundred canaries resounding through it. I don't know why, but it reminded me of a place in the Arabian Nights. "Is Mr. —— within?" shouted forth my father, seeing no one in this strange-looking abode. "Yes, he is," was replied from somewhere, by somebody. We looked about, and presently, with his little grey bullet head, and shrewd piercing eyes, just appearing above the counter, we detected the master of the house. My father stepped up to him with an air like the Duke of ——, and, returning his coarse curiously-folded note to him, said, "I presume I am addressing Mr. ——: this, sir," drawing me forward, "is Miss Fanny Kemble." The little man snatched off his spectacles, rushed round the counter, rubbed his enormous hand upon his blue stuff apron, and held it out to us with a most hearty welcome. He looked at us for some time, and then exclaimed, "Ha! ye're her father. Well, ye'll have married pretty early—ye look very young: I should not have been sae much surprised if ye had called her ye're wife!" I laughed, and my father smiled at this compliment, which was recommended by a broad Scotch twang, which always sounds sweetly in my ears. The little man, whose appearance is that of a dwarf in some fairy tale, then went on to tell us how Galt had written a book all about him; how it was, almost word for word, his own story; how he had come to this country in early life, with three halfpence in his pocket, and a nail and hammer in his hand, for all worldly substance; how he had earned his bread by making nails, which was his business in Scotland; how, one day, passing by some flowers exposed for sale, he had touched a geranium leaf by accident, and, charmed with its fragrance, bought it, having never seen one before; how, with fifteen dollars in his pocket, he commenced the business of a florist and gardener; and how he had refused as many thousand dollars for his present prosperous concern; how, when he first came to New York, the place opposite his garden, where now stands a handsome modern dwelling-house, was the site of a shed where he did his first bit of work; how, after six-and-twenty years' absence from Scotland, he returned home; how he came to his father's house—"'Twas on a bright morning in August—the eighth of August, just, it was—when I went through the door. I knew all the old passages so well: I opened the parlour door, and there, according to the good old Scottish custom, the family were going to prayers afore breakfast. There was the old Bible on the table, and the old clock ticking in the corner of the room; there was my father in his own old chair, exactly just where I had left him six-and-twenty years gone by. The very shovel and tongs by the fire were the same; I knew them all. I just sat down, and cried as sweetly as ever a man did in his life." These were, as nearly as I can recollect, his words; and oh, what a story! His manner, too, was indescribably vivid and graphic. My father's eyes filled with tears. He stretched out his hand, and grasped and shook the Scotchman's hand repeatedly without speaking; I never saw him more excited. I never was more struck myself with the wonderful strangeness of this bewildering life. He showed us the foot of a rude rustic-looking table. "That," he said, "was cut from out the hawthorn hedge that grows by my father's house; and this," showing us a wooden bowl, "is what I take my parritch in!" I asked him if he never meant to leave this country, and return to bonny Scotland. He said, No, never: he might return, but he never meant to settle any where but here. "For," added he, "I have grown what I am in it, madam, and 'tis a fine country for the poor." He had been an early martyr, too, to his political opinions; and, when only nineteen years of age, had been imprisoned in Edinburgh for advocating the cause of that very reform which the people are at this moment crying jubilee over in England. He seemed to rejoice in this country, as in the wide common land of political freedom, unbounded by the limits of long-established prejudice, unbroken by the deep trenches which divide class from class in the cultivated soil of the old world. I could have listened to this strange oracle for a day; but in the midst of his discourse he was summoned to dinner; and presenting his son to us, who presented a nosegay to me, left us to wander about his singular domain. His father, by the by, is still alive, and residing within six miles of Edinburgh, a man of ninety years and upwards. We walked about the shop, visited the birds, who are taken most admirable care of, and are extremely beautiful. I saw several mocking birds: they should sing well, for they are not pretty. Their plumage is of a dull grey colour, and they are clumsy-looking birds. Saw two beautiful African widow birds, with their jet black hoods and trains. Saw an English blackbird, and thrush, in cages. They made my heart ach. I wonder if they ever think of the red ripe cracking cherries, the rich orchard lands, and the hawthorn-hedged lanes in the summer sunsets of dear England? I did for them. We then went and looked at a tank full of beautiful gold fish, as they indiscriminately called them. But though the greater number were the glittering scarlet creatures usually so denominated, some were of the richest purple, with a soft dark bloom playing over their sides; others, again, were perfectly brown, with a glancing golden light shining through their scales; others were palest silver; others, again, mingled the dazzling scarlet with spots of the most beautiful gloomy violet, like dark-coloured jewels set in fire. Their tank was planted with the roots of aquatic vegetables, which, in summer, spread their cool leaves over the water, which is perpetually renewed by means of an escape, and a little silvery fountain which keeps bubbling up in the midst. They seemed very happy, and devoured sundry pieces of wafer paper, while we admired them at our leisure. Saw an India-rubber tree, a very young one, which had not attained its full growth. 'Tis a fine broad-leaved tree, unlike any that I ever saw before. After dawdling about very satisfactorily for some time, we departed from the dwelling of Lawrie Todd. Of a verity, "truth is strange, stranger than fiction." Went to a bookseller's. I bought a Bible for little ——; my father, a Shakspeare for ——. Came home. Mr. —— called, and gossiped some time with me. Told me a bit of scandal, of which I had some slight suspicion before, i. e. that Mr. —— was pretty Mrs. ——'s very devoted. At half-past four dressed for dinner. Colonel —— called just as we were going to dinner. At five, my father and I went to Mrs. ——'s. A pleasant dinner. I like him enough, and I like her very much. She is extremely pretty, and very pleasant. Sat by that tall ninny, Mr. ——, who uttered inanity the whole of dinner-time. After dinner, the usual entertaining half hour among the ladies passed in looking over caricatures. When the men joined us, Mr. —— came and sat down by me, and in the course of a few minutes, poor Lord —— having by chance been mentioned, we fell into English talk; and it appears that he knows sundry of my gracious patrons; among the rest, the ——s. He had been at ——; and it pleased me to speak of it again. But what in the name of all wonders could possess him with the idea that Lady —— was guilty of editing the Comic Annual. Was asked to sing, and sang "Ah no ben mio" pretty well. Mr. —— sang a thing of his own very well, though it was not in itself worth much. Discussed all manner of prima donnas with him. At half-past nine, D—— came for me, and we proceeded to the ——s. The people here never tell one when they mean to dance; the consequence is, that one is completely put out about one's toilet. I was in a black satin dress; and dancing in these hot rooms, might as well have been in a pall. * * * * * * * * * * In the middle of the evening, Dr. —— asked if I would allow him to introduce to me one Mr. ——, a very delightful man, full of abilities, and writer in such and such a paper. I immediately called to mind my resolution, and refused. In the mean time, Mrs. ——, less scrupulous, and without asking my leave, brought the gentleman up, and introduced him. I was most ungracious and forbidding, and meant to be so. I am sorry for this, but I cannot help it: he is ——'s brother, too, which makes me doubly sorry. As he is an agreeable man, and ——'s brother, I esteem and reverence him; but, as he belongs to the press gang, I will not know him. The room was full of pretty women, one prettier than another. I danced myself half dead, and came home. By the by, was introduced to young ——, who, at the corner of a street, with a red cap on his head, might pass for a capital hickory pole. Mrs. ——'s bed-room, where we left our cloaks, made my heart ach. 'Twas exactly like my dear little bed-room at home; the bed, the furniture, and the rose-coloured lining, all the same.

First day of the last month of the year—go it, old fellow! I'm sick of the road, and would be at my journey's end. Got two hundred dollars from my father, and immediately after breakfast sallied forth: paid bills and visits, and came home. Found my father sitting with our kinsman, Mr. ——, busily discussing the family origin, root, branches, and all. We are an old family, they say, but the direct line is lost after Charles the Second's reign. Our kinsman is a nice man, with a remarkably fine face, with which I was greatly struck. When he was gone, persuaded my father to come down and take a breathing on the Battery with me. And a breathing it was with a vengeance. The wind blew tempestuously, the waters, all troubled and rough, were of a yellow green colour, breaking into short, strong, angry waves, whose glittering white crests the wind carried away, as they sank to the level surface again. The shores were all cold, distinct, sharp-cut, and wintry-looking, the sky was black and gloomy, with now and then a watery wan sunlight running through it. The wind was so powerful, we could scarcely keep our legs. My sleeves and skirts fluttered in the blast, my bonnet was turned front part behind, my nose was blue, my cheeks were crimson, my hair was all tangled, my breath was gone, my blood was in a glow: what a walk! Met dear Dr. ——, whom I love. Came in—dined. After dinner, bethought me that I had not called upon Mrs. ——, according to promise. Sent for a coach, and set forth thither; didn't know the number, so drove up Spring Street, and down Spring Street, and finally stopped at a shop, got a directory, and found the address. Sat a few minutes with her, and at five o'clock left her. The day was already gone—the gloamin come. The keen cutting wind whizzed along the streets; huge masses of dark clouds, with soft brown edges, lay on the pale delicate blue of the evening sky. The moon was up, clear, cold, and radiant; the crowd had ebbed away from the busy thoroughfare, and only a few men in great-coats buttoned up to their chins, and women wrapped in cloaks, were scudding along in the dim twilight and the bitter wind towards their several destinations, with a frozen shuddering look that made me laugh. I had got perished in the coach, and seeing that the darkness covered me, determined to walk home, and bade the coach follow me. How pleasant it was! I walked tremendously fast, enjoying the fresh breath of the north, and looking at the glittering moon, as she rode high in the evening sky. How I do like walking alone—being alone; for this alone I wish I were a man. At half-past five, went to the theatre. The house was crammed; play, Hunchback. I missed —— from his accustomed seat, and found that like a very politician he had changed sides. I played abominably; my voice was weak and fagged. After the play, Katharine and Petruchio. I played that better; my father was admirable—it went off delightfully. When it was over, they called for my father, and with me in his hand he went on. The pit rose to us like Christians, and shouted and hallooed as I have been used to hear. I felt sorry to leave them: they are a pleasant audience to act to, and exceedingly civil to us, and I have got rather attached to them. New York, too, seems nearer home than any other place, and I felt sorry to leave it. When we had withdrawn, and were going up stairs, we heard three distinct and tremendous cheers. On asking what that meant, we learnt 'twas a compliment to us—thank 'em kindly. Came home: found Mr. —— had sent me Contarini Fleming. Began reading it, and could scarce eat my supper for doing so. * * * * * * * * * *

While dressing, received a "sweet note" from Mrs. ——, accompanied with a volume of Bryant's poetry, which, as I like very much, I am her obliged. Swallowed two mouthfuls of bread, and away to church. It was very crowded, and a worthy woman had taken possession of the corner seat in Mr. ——'s pew, with a fidgetting little child, which she kept dancing up and down every two minutes: though in church, I wished for the days of King Herod. What strange thoughts did occur to me to-day during service! 'Tis the first Sunday in Advent. The lesson for the day contained the history of the Annunciation. What a mystery our belief is! how seldom it is that we consider and, as it were, take hold of what we say we believe, and when we do so, how bewildered and lost we become,—how lost among a thousand wild imaginations,—how driven to and fro by a thousand doubts,—how wrecked amidst a thousand fears! Surely we should be humble: we should indeed remember that we cannot know, and not strive for that knowledge which our souls will lose themselves in seeking for, and our overstrained minds crack in reaching at. * * * * * * * * * * At the end of service they sang Luther's hymn. I cried with nervous excitement, not at that, but at my recollection of Braham's singing it with that terrible trumpet accompaniment, that used to make my heart stand still and listen. Stayed and took the sacrament. * * * * * * * * * * Came home: found a whole regiment of men. His honour the Recorder, who is my especial delight, Mr. ——, ——, whom I greatly affection; to these presently entered Mr. —— and Mr. ——. They one by one bade me good-by; how disagreeable that is, that good-by! Mr. —— read me a passage out of one of Jeffrey's letters, describing an English fine lady. The picture is admirable, and most faithful; they are, indeed, polished, brilliant, smooth as ice, as slippery, as treacherous, as cold. When they were all gone, Colonel —— gave me to read the descriptive sketch of the French opera, La Tentation, that has been setting all Paris wild. What an atrocious piece of blasphemy, indecency, and folly—what a thoroughly French invention. Mad people! mad people! mad people! Looked over bills, settled accounts, righted desk, tore up papers; among others, sundry anonymous love-letters that I had treasured up as specimens of the purely funny in composition, but which began to take up too much room. Dressed for dinner. After dinner, sat writing journal, and reading Contarini Fleming. * * * * * * * * * *