11 November 1878 – 17 November 1878

To Carlyle's at 2.30, and found him stepping — slowly climbing — into the usual hired carriage. He said, ' I feel I may die any time.' I asked, ' Did you ever in early life think yourself near death } ' ' Never,' he answered ; and then went on to tell me of his Uncle Tom, the youngest of the brothers — of a fine Roman character ; ' I looked up to him with the greatest admiration and respect. He was ill, and my mother used to sit up with him at night. (He seems to have lived either in the same house or an adjoining one.) One night I took the watch upon me, to relieve her — I was about nineteen years of age — and in the middle of the night it became clear that my uncle was dying. He fixed his eyes upon me with a wild stare — bright blue eyes — and tried to lift his head from the pillow, but could not do it, and the eyes kept wide open till life went out of them — ah dear ! — it was about three in the morning. It was then I first began to make reflections upon death. He had no disease — a general break-up, mostly from hard work.' ' Had you any kind of orthodox belief in your mind at that time ? ' ' No, I had given all that up some time before, but I said nothing about it one way or another. I had asked my mother one day how it was known that Solomon's Song was symbolical, representing Christ and the Church, and she showed such boundless horror at my question that I resolved on silence thenceforth.' C. spoke of the folly of Tyndall and others who went on about the origin of things ; ' I long ago perceived that no man could know anything about that ; but that the Universe could come together by chance was, and is, altogether incredible. The evidence to me of God — and the only evidence — is the feeling I have deep down in the very bottom of my heart of right and truth and justice. I believe that all things are governed by Eternal Goodness and Wisdom, and not otherwise ; but we cannot see and never shall see how it is all managed.'