26 January 1920 – 1 February 1920

Felt ill with fatigue and cold and my lungs hurt. It is because I am not working. All is a bit of a nightmare for that reason. My temper is so bad ! I feel I am horrid and can't stop it. It's a bad feeling.

The woman who does the massage is not really any good. My life is queer here. I like my big airy room, but to work is so hard. At the back of my mind I am so wretched. But all the while I am think- ing over my philosophy — the defeat of the personal.

I shall not remember what happened on this day. It is a blank. At the end of my life I may want it, may long to have it. There was a new moon : that I remember. But who came or what I did — all is lost. It's just a day missed, a day crossing the line.

1 tried all day to work and feel dog-tired. Perhaps it's the massage. Jinnie came to see me and brought me a present from her little dog.

Changed my room for this other. I prefer it. It is more snug and there is only one bed.

My room is horrible. Very noisy: a con- stant clatter and a feeling as though it were doorless. French people don't care a hang how much noise they make. I hate them for it. Stayed in bed ; felt very ill, but don't mind because of the reason. The food was really appalling : nothing to eat. At night old Casetta feelings, like madness. Voices and words and half- visions.