Katherine Mansfield’s diary, 1915

What a vile little diary! But I am deter- mined to keep it this year. We saw the Old Year out and the New Year in. A lovely night, blue and gold. The church bells…

A horrible morning and afternoon. Je me sens incapable de tout, and at the same time I am just not writing very well. I must finish my story to- morrow. I ought to…

A cold, ugly day. It was dark soon after two. Spent it trying to write and running from my room into the kitchen. I could not get really warm. The day felt endless.…

Woke early and saw a snowy branch across the window. It is cold, snow has fallen, and now it is thawing. The hedges and the trees are cov- ered with beads of water.…

Saw the sun rise. A lovely apricot sky with flames in it and then a solemn pink. Heavens, how beautiful ! I heard a knocking, and went down- stairs. It was Benny…

J. went to town. I worked a little — chased the fowls. One brown fowl refused to leave the garden. Long after it knew there was no gap in the wire- netting it kept…

Windy and dark. ... At night we went to L.'s. It was a warm night with big drops of rain falling. I didn't mind the going, but the coming back was rather awful. I…

Have been in more of a state of virtue to-day. Actually finished the story, Brave Love,1 and I don't know what to make of it even now. Read it to J. who was also…

A man outside is breaking stones. The day is utterly quiet. Sometimes a leaf rustles and a strange puff of wind passes the window. The old man chops, chops, as…

1 am in the sitting-room downstairs. The wind howls outside, but here it is so warm and pleas- ant. It looks like a real room where real people live. My…

Weather worse than ever. At tea-time I surprised myself by breaking down. I simply felt for a moment overcome with anguish and came upstairs and put my head on the…

The old man breaking stones again. A thick white mist reaches the edge of the field.

Went to London. We found B.C. had arrived; so D. put us up. D.'s flat looks lovely to me. Had tea at the Criterion with C. and D. Had my hands done. In the evening…

Met a woman who'd been in the cinema with me — her pink roses in her belt and hollow lovely eyes and battered hair. I shall not forget her. No, no. She was…

A slight attack of 'flu' is bowling me over. There is a glimpse of sun. The trees look as though they were hanging out to dry. My cold gained on me all day. I read…

I feel a bit more cheerful to-day because I don't look quite so revolting as I have done. No, the day ended in being as bad as ever. For one thing my illness is…

I can do nothing. Have tidied my desk and taken some quinine and that's all. But I know I shall go, because otherwise I'll die of despair. My head is so hot, but my…

Went to London with J.

Came to Paris.

Came to Gray.

They are walking up and down the garden in Acacia Road. It is dusky; the Michaelmas daisies are bright as feathers. From the old fruit-tree at the bottom of the…

A misty, misty evening. I want to write down the fact that not only am I not afraid of death — I welcome the idea of death. I believe in immortal- ity because he is…