6 November 1916 – 12 November 1916

She has known all from the beginning! M---- warned her not to marry me. How brave and loyal of her! What an ass I have been. I am overwhelmed with feelings of shame and self-contempt and sorrow for her. She is quite cheerful and an enormous help.

What a wreck my existence has become and--dragging down others with me. If only I could rest assured that after I am dead these Journals will be tenderly cared for--as tenderly as this blessed infant! It would be cruel if even after I have paid the last penalty, my efforts and sufferings should continue to remain unknown or disregarded. What I would give to know the effect I shall produce when published! I am tortured by two doubts--whether these MSS. (the labour and hope of many years) will survive accidental loss and whether they really are of any value. I have no faith in either.